My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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