I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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