forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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