It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
