I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize