I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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