If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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