Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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