Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
