If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
