my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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