i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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