just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
