peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
