Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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