i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
