I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
