Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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