My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
