this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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