she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
