I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
