Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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