I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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