billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
