my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
