i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
