thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
