the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
