he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
