I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
