Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
