The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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