Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
