I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
