My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it because I queefed?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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