I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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