Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
