Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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