The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
