who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
