why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
