i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
