Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
