I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
