I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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