Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
