Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize