i think my tv is drunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
