When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
