sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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