garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We had to coat check the pizza.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
