Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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