hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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