Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
