he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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