we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
