Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
