dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
