Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
