I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
