Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
